It's just after midnight and I don't know how to feel.

October 3rd.

I've been home from my mission for exactly one year today.

My mission is the single greatest thing I have ever done in my life, and I've done some pretty great things. I remember receiving my call to serve in Canada the same day my brother was called to Guatemala, and it was so glorious. It was nerve wrecking. I was the first missionary in my family. I was going to live in Canada for 18 months of my young life.

I landed in Canada on a cold day at the beginning of April. The sun was shining, the sky hot blue, and my coat was not nearly thick enough.

And that was the beginning of my greatest adventure to date.

I lived my life from planner to planner. For some reason it was always in Spanish. (I blame Mom for that.) My tag and my scriptures were my favorite possessions. The day I took my tag off  was the worst day ever. I cried so hard. I had a total of like...5 skirts, 4 sweaters, and 7 or 8 shirts. That was it. Everything else in my two suitcases was some form of book, journal, letter, or keepsakes.

I kept a tie from each of my favorite Elders. When other stuff got sent home so my suitcases weren't so heavy, those ties stayed in my bag. My Elders were what got me through some of the hardest moments in my entire mission.

I have so many thoughts and memories from those 18 months. I miss that one time Bronson and I got a flat on the way to District meeting, and random strangers helped us with it and then shouted at our Elders to "help their girls". I miss all the nights at the Ladd's, the days at the Fisk's, the small hands tugging at my skirts trying to get my attention. I miss that moment when Sanjay told me he thought I was wonderful, and Rachelle told me we obviously had to have been friends in the pre-mortal world. I miss that moment Kate walked into the water and was baptized. I miss eating at Eloise's and Michele's.

I miss eating with my Elder's, and fixing their clothes, and feeding them when they call me and used their most pitiful voices. I miss cuddling my companions when they had hard days, and singing out loud in the car, and finding sneaky letters from them in my bag. I miss Friday night dinners at the Schiess' house. I miss my stupid suitcases!!!!!!! And my transformer sheets.

I miss the feeling of my lungs freezing during winter, haha. Such a weird thing to miss but I do. That one transfer when I had to ride the bus with Smith was probably one of the best transfers of my mish! Arevalo and Ruth taking our bags for us to District meeting while we walk to church.

This is my pink note to that year and a half: You were everything I ever wanted and more. And if I had to do it all over again? I would.

In a heartbeat.