I'm sitting at my kitchen table reading excerpt from Thomas More's "Utopia" with Baby Housemate. It's due tomorrow for class discussion. So we sit and chit chat away, talking about the pros and cons to a society such as that one. She's got a great mind so it's really very fun to have real/serious discussions with her.

Then in a moment, I looked at her over the tops of our laptops and asked, "Do you ever wonder how different you and your life would be if you weren't scared of how things would turn out?"

The corner of her mouth lifted, and her curls bobbed when she nodded. "All the time."

She then proceeded to create a list similar to the mental one I had been creating: what would have happened if I had asked that boy out on a date? what would this person have said if I had called them like I meant to? how much confidence would I have if I just did things because I wanted to, without worrying about the small minds of others? what kind of person would I be if I took risks? what would I have? where would I be?

I have a tendency to wait sometimes. It's not an active waiting, the kind that the prophets and apostles tell us is good for us because it teaches patience. It's an impatient waiting, and that impatience is what often brings on the small waves of sadness. Let me tell you, it sucks. A lot. I really don't like it, but it's a horrible habit I seem to have acquired over the years. I think it's that lack of active waiting that causes me to miss out on good things in life, to not take those chances to be and become.

I'm all about becoming. That is something I gained a pretty strong testimony of when I was serving out in the great white north of Canada. It is also something I have to do jointly with Christ. Lucky for me, He has infinite patience and is willing to work with a willful heart like mine.

I guess when it all comes down to it....I just want more. I want to do more. Be more. Help more. Love more.

Live more.

And that's not a bad place to be.